In her blog post "Failing…in love again", Elizabeth writes:
"Be careful what you ask for in prayer. God takes you at your word, and He is an abidingly patient but thorough teacher, with unsoundable depths."
I know this all too well. I have experienced this in my own life. As I reflect on a "me" I hardly recognize, I am reminded that God calls to us, even at (especially at) our darkest and loneliness moments. The truly sincere heart that reaches out to God and is willing to finally "let go" will truly be blessed. But there is always some "pruning". And it is not us, but God who must do the pruning.
Pruning: To cut away what is unwanted or superfluous; To cut off or cut back parts of for better shape or more fruitful growth -Webster
In August, I posted "Hurricane Isaac Reminds Me of How I Got Here" in which I shared the story of my family's exodus from Louisiana to Texas during Hurricane Katrina.
In that post I linked to a lay witness I gave several years ago in my parish, during which I revealed:
"I attended Catholic schools from Kindergarten through High School. My parents were involved in our Church and in the schools I attended. We never missed Mass, and God was not a Sunday-only topic in our home. Despite those things my own Faith formation still fell short and, suffice to say that somewhere along the way I re-fashioned God to fit my own needs. It wasn't something I was conscious of, and I am fairly certain that it wasn't evident to others around me until I had made certain choices in my life and had closed myself off to them or anyone else. By the time I was ready to admit to myself that I had dug a pretty deep hole, it was already caving in. By my own actions, I had separated myself from God, from His Church, and the Sacraments."
I have been contemplating writing more about some of the events, or choices rather, that have led to where I am now in my relationship with God. But that's where Elizabeth's post got to the "uncomfortable" part. I started thinking about that "me I hardly recognize", and I remembered....
I remembered that prayer, that simple prayer with a most sincere heart;
"God, do for me what I am afraid to do for myself. Take away what you don't want me to have, and give me only what You Will."
Am I brave enough to pray that prayer today? Uncomfortable.